Cas Haley-Walking On The Moon

Self Reflection.

It's 4.31 am in the morning and i am still awake... doing? Nothing actually. 

Before we say anything, passes judgement or giving someone a nasty eye look... I think we should all have a little reflection on ourselves first. Is it the right thing to say? Did we do anything wrong too? or Are that the best choice?  Anything at all, think before you spill. Because words is hurtful than a man punch. Seriously.
Although i never try being punch by a man before, also never intended to have one someday. A pain from a punch would eventually go away but a pain from a word will always be in the way (they'll still be there) Poking you, haunting you... We are not perfect human, there's mistakes everywhere and anywhere. Not everyday is a good day. Only a heavy storm then you can see a shining rainbow. Without the rain where comes the sun?

One of my friend faces hardship in life right now. Those kind that you just wanted to run away as far as you can and that you just wanted to get away. Just leave everything. Hey, if everything would be that easy where is the challenge and obstacles? If everything is a bed of roses where are the thorns? I used to faced something exactly what my friend encountering now. The feeling you might or going to lose someone you once cared...the feeling like you are the only one left in this world even "makan" also feel like crying... I know how you feel, i know.

My form 6 years. Shitty year to begin with. Not that i don't appreciate life as it be but sometimes, our human think different things and that we have a different road to run. That year, I lost my best friend. My best friend since 14. DON'T WORRY SHE STILL ALIVE OKAY. It's just that i lost someone i thought i could go forever infinity with... It's part of my fault too though. No one to blame too. It took me about couple months, almost like half a year to actually get over it, it took long because i was same class with her. She found a new besties and i tried to mix in but i couldn't..I tried to talk to her again like we use to but something change..there is no "connection" between us. THAT time, i ve learnt something valuable. I actually understands it. I heard it before but when you experienced it yourself, it's a another meaning.

"People come and go, friends too"

How i got over it? Well i spent that endless months torture myself with silly thoughts, no sleeping, out of focus most of the time when i am in class..my grades drop and strange thing is i really don't give a dang about it. I looked pale as a Asian girl with bleached hair without makeup. Even my teacher said " Eh vivien, you tengok macam mau mati saja..you sakit ah?" Of course i said no and ignore his "concern" next thing i knew, i was sent to PK HEM office 3 times during that year. Why? Because i changed.

A few teacher actually knew me since high school and adore me. They notice changes and so they came and talked to me. Give me support and attention. I never tell my mom about it (going to PK HEM office) But during the teacher and parents interaction day, my mom found out from them. She asked me and helped me through alot. She's my women hero and my dad is my superman. Other than those thing happen but there is also ONE particular thing going on with me for quite sometimes that i cannot yet tell... I never tell anyone except my best friend but i suppose she think i already got over it but no...
Anyhoo, i got over it (best friend thingy and other thing) by just give it some time, give me some time to figure it out... Give myself a break and actually breathe. I managed to got through STPM even when during that time i am in deep shit. (excuse my language)

Speaking of my friend. Although i am not in any position to tell you this and that but still give it some time... Time heals everything. It's true. Like those time when you fell out of love and it stings like there's no tomorrow. As time passes by, things change, people change, thinking change.. Don't worry, you ll get though it. Just like i do. That time, indeed i wanted to just run away as far as i can but i couldn't because i have responsibility and promise to kept. Not everything we say we want we get. Some certain things, we just need to let it go...can't? Try harder. Still can't? Try and try again until it works. Only an idiot would get upset and depressed about other people mistakes.. Trust me, if you do that, You're an idiot. Never mind, I can be an idiot too sometimes.. hahah! We're still young and clueless, learn learn and learn. Fall stand up fall stand up fall and stand up again. Don't quit. IF you feel like giving up.. find someone else that matters to you the most and talked to them about random shit.. or other things not necessary your problem. Just some random things. It will make you feel lot better. I tried that. :D It works.

Everyone have their own problem. Don't compare who's problem is bigger. Most importantly, don't abandon the one that cared about you, that matters to you. Keep them by your side even though you feel like being alone. They still have feelings. Don't ignore it. That is why i say "self reflection" Think about others, think about yourself too.

It's 5.10 am. Gotta stop. Alrighty... Stay haze...no no.. stay safe away from haze and take care~

Love,

Miss V.

Hello

Evening folks. I am gonna write a blog here. Well starting to..still thinking what to crap about.

Anyway, I am now/currently starting a new life in a new place in a new school. University. Honestly i never expect anything before i came here. I just heard alot of something like "UTAR student have nothing to do so they paktor" or "UTAR everyone cycle and Kampar have alot of food to indulge." My mom told me that. Let me tell you a lil something about my mom, she, knows everything. Long, short, close, far...ask her, she'll let you know. Before i came here, i got use to waiting for my mom to come home and watch her cook and eat dinner with her. (My dad is still around, don't worry)

Mio Padre con Madre! My life My Soul. 

P.S My dad, is very good in singing. Seriously. :D 

I came here and I am truly thankful that I got selected to be part of the PMP (Peer Mentoring Program). My mentor Alex and Sharon. I used to say "I got the best Mentor" Perhaps too early too soon? But at the moment, i do felt cared and not alone. Before class start, i met a friend. It was nice to have someone around you when you have no idea where you're at and totally no clue about the subjects. Hey, at least got someone to blur with me. hahah! Speaking of that long story short. As time passes by, things change, people change, thinking change... But for sure Sharon is still like the great person i look up to. She's such a delicate lil lady. :)

She's the one one the right, aren't she pretty? YES! :) 

See that yummy azz cupcakes on ma hand? It's actually a already baked cupcake from gardenia but what makes it so super special is, Sharon surprise me with one. :D :D :D Aren't she great! 

Anyhoo... I've tasted quiet a few yummy food here in Kampar and i must say... it is indeed alot of food over here. Every street, every corner also got. I am satisfied with the room i am living in now, it's spacious and convenient. Although my toilet located outside but it does made my room look bigger. *Thumbs up And the opposite is the kitchen which i could easily have excess to the fridge, the washing machine and the sink. Nice huh? :) My room is at the back. Every time i am in the room, i hope my house mate won't mind me blasting off some music. It's good to have music surrounds you when you're alone. Sing along too if you may. :D 

I met quiet a new friends. Some i could easily get along and some... maybe need a lil more time. Especially when i am with my course mates. Something about me, perhaps i got use to doing things by myself and being alone. It doesn't bother me one bit. Only sometimes i wish i could go home to my mom when i do felt lonely, other than that, I am okay if i am alone. I have to work with my grouping skills. I am good at first but not for a long term. It's like "I made friends but I can't keep them" I need to work on my people skills!!! We're not perfect human, there's always a mistake we need to work on. As long as you work on it, nothing can not be undone. 

Arite, i think i am done here. That's all i have to say for today. There's more but stay tune until next time. ;) 

Stay Safe,

Miss V.